


Permission Granted

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Falling In Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mission Fic, Sacrifice, True Love, faith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-11
Packaged: 2017-11-24 08:51:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel, preferred assassin of the Fifth Garrison, hasn't been sent to Earth in over 300 years.  When he finally gets a new mission, he figured it would be routine - then again, that was before he came face to face with Dean Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mission

**Author's Note:**

> Got this request from someone on Tumblr: "Cas is ordered to kill Dean and he’s still a good soldier so he plans to go ahead and do it but when he gets there he sees dean and falls in love with him (something along those lines) and could you end it where Cas has been told if he doesn’t kill Dean he will be killed and Dean finds out and you decide the very end whether he sacrifices himself"

No one in the Fifth Garrison was more revered and mysterious than Castiel.

In all his years of working under Gabriel, he’d only been sent to Earth a few dozen times, something his companions couldn’t even pretend to understand.  No mission he’d ever been sent on had failed according to his file in the Great Hall of Records as Gabriel was more than happy to tell the other garrisons when they get together on social functions.  When he passed, other angels stepped instinctively out of his path to let him by, more than one young fledging swooning over the unkempt majesty of his never still great black wings.

In the mornings first thing, Castiel assisted Gabriel in passing out orders before shuffling back to his desk to detail records and recently completed missions to be placed in the Great Hall of Records each night.  Very few of the other angels knew much about him past that.  He was only truly close to Anna and Gabriel, occasionally allowing one or both of them to join him after their work was completed when he would go out to find the highest cloud he could to look down on Earth and dream about his next mission.  He always listened intently to Anna’s stories about her jobs healing innocents who had been wounded and helping save the righteous from emergency situations.  She never said anything, but the sadness and longing in his eyes when she spoke to him of her work always made her feel terrible – it was clear to both her and Gabriel that Castiel wanted nothing more than to go back among humanity.  Anyone in his garrison would have said he was pleasant and quiet, a truly kind and angelic soul with strong faith and conviction. 

They would also have told you that on those rare times he did go out on a mission, there was nothing more terrifying in Heaven or Earth than Castiel upon his return.

His missions, usually not time sensitive, ranged anywhere from a few hours to weeks, the longest on record having taken almost three months to be executed to the angel’s near perfection standards.  Anna could still remember how he’d looked as he descended next to her, the stench of blood and conviction so strong it made her eyes water just to look at him.  Though he stared ahead at her, his face calm and serene as always, there was something dangerously mournful in his eyes as he stripped off his trench coat and tie, unconcerned about the blood dripping off his clothes and onto the floor.  He looked the same then as he had during the Great Skirmish between the Heavenly Host and the Morningstar and his followers – she’d been young, but she could still remember exactly what he looked like in his armor, his sword aflame as it clashed against Lucifer’s.

Those were the days she felt like she least knew him: the days when he reeked of blood, and an inner pain she didn’t understand.  For someone with such faith, such love and passion for doing the work of their Father, Anna couldn’t understand the turmoil Castiel’s eyes spoke of to her in those brief moments just after he’d returned from a mission.

But the moment always passed, and then he was back to normal, her friend and ally, the most perfect of the angels she loved most. She smiled as she stepped into work with him, her arm looped through his.  After all, they hadn’t needed Castiel’s particular talents very much in the new age, preferring to let him play a more managerial role much to her - and his, if he would have admitted to having any opinion about it - relief.

But not all good things are meant to last. 

*****

For the first time in at least three hundred years, Castiel had a mission to attend to.

Anna watched him carefully out of the corner of her eye, swallowing against the lump forming in her throat as she tried for the third time to read and comprehend the mission folder in her hands.  She kept getting distracted, her thoughts turning to the broken look on Castiel’s face the last time he’d returned from a mission, blood still soaked in his hair and the pungent smell of death sticking to his skin as she helped him clean himself up and get back to normal. 

She couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before she had to do that again, before she looked down at the blood on her hands from his clothes and wondered how someone so pure had become a holy assassin.

“Anna, could you help me with my tie?”  Castiel asked sheepishly, breaking her from her reverie.  She nodded, taking the silver and blue pinstripe tie from his hand with a smile.  Anna would never understand how someone reserved only for the most important and delicate of missions still couldn’t figure out how to fix his own tie without it ending up either backwards or crooked.

“How long will you be gone this time, do you know?”  She asked, careful to keep her voice level.  He looked away, back at the file lying open on his desk and sighed, running a hand through his already ruffled hair. 

“Unsure.  The mission seems simple enough, but I won’t know for sure until I do some recon.”  She flattened his tie, pulling it straight before stepping back to her own desk.  He watched her fidget, curling the edge of the paper in her file around her finger.  “Anna, I know you.  You’re upset I have to go kill someone again, aren’t you?”

“You hate it.”  She said simply, finally looking up at him.  He wasn’t surprised to see tears there, his eyebrows knitting together as she wiped them away with the back of her hand.  “I was beginning to hope there was no need for you to… you haven’t had to do this in such a long time, and you’ve been so happy here.  I just can’t stand thinking about how miserable you’ll be when you get back when I know how much you struggle with this.” 

“It’s my duty to our Father, and I will whatever I can for him as always.”  Castiel said, his voice confident if not a little sad.  Pulling on his coat he kissed her briefly on the forehead before heading for the door, waving at her.  “Tell Gabriel I’m sorry I won’t be able to stargaze with the pair of you tonight.”

“Get your mission done and come home soon!  It won’t be the same without you.”  She said, forcing on a smile.

Castiel smiled at her for a moment, his happiness at her friendship glimmering in his eyes, before allowing himself to free fall to Earth. 

Even though it had been over three hundred years since his last descent, he knew the Earth like the back of his hand, swooping over the countryside of North America in great bounds, his laugh carried for miles by the wind cheering anyone that happened to hear it.  THIS was one of the best things about leaving Heaven – the scenery, his wings outstretched through the air currents, the ability to fly and dive and swoop however and wherever he wanted to with total abandon.  The wind here was like a cool drink to the thirsty, the chill prick of it against his face and neck as he raced towards his destination making him giddy enough that for a few brief moments, he could forget why he was here.

As he landed in a back alley in Lawrence, Kansas Castiel sheathed his wings, his shoulders feeling lightweight and uncomfortable without the comforting and constant presence his wings had been for so long.  He took a few moments to compose himself, to get used to the naked feeling of what life without his wings in a corporeal form would feel like before pulling his file out of his jacket to look over. 

“…This file appears to be incomplete.”  The angel muttered under his breath, raising an eyebrow at the single page in his file.  When he’d looked over it at his desk, he’d been so preoccupied he hadn’t even noticed it was so empty.  “Hmm… they just gave me an address, name, and objective.  Dean Winchester – must be terminated for the good of the Holy Orders, mission is not time sensitive.  Interesting…” 

He exited the alley, looking around for a street sign to point him in the right direction.  Castiel knew he could easily read someone’s mind, borrow someone else’s mind map of the town’s layout to figure out where he was going, but he liked this better: this chance to explore, to take his time among humanity.  He was sure Anna or Gabriel were watching them wherever they were – it didn’t matter what missions they had to contend with, he knew they watched him while he worked, kept tabs on him so they could swap what they’d seen each night until he made his way back to them. 

A warm, earthy scent caught his attention, Cas licking his lips as he headed into the restaurant.  True, he didn’t need food to survive but as he’d told Anna on more than one occasion, that didn’t mean an angel couldn’t eat – the next day she’d come back from a mission smiling, describing to him exactly what coke, pizza, and ice cream tasted like.  Now, he planned on finding out for himself.

“Welcome to the Roadhouse Grill, I’m Jo.  Are you alone for lunch today?”  He nodded at the petite blonde that approached him.  She looked him over with a smile, clicking her pen.  “Do you want a table, or would a seat at the bar be okay?  We’re a little packed today so service might be faster at the bar.”

“That will be fine, thank you.”  He smiled, following her towards the bar and taking a seat on one of the faded leather seated stools as she handed him a menu.  He perused it tentatively, trying to piece together what sounded good the various things Anna and Gabriel had told him about modern Earth food when he realized he recognized nothing from the last time he’d been on the planet.  He heard the tinkling of the bells attached to the door behind him several times before finally ordering a hamburger and fries, declining Jo’s insistence that he order a new beer they had on tap.  As he waited for his food he looked around, only minutely aware of the dips he made in and out of people’s minds.  It wasn’t until halfway through his burger – which was good enough for him to consider, even if only for a second, that he try to convince Gabriel that angels should have lunch breaks in their garrison just to fly to Earth to get a snack – that he heard anything that piqued his interest.

“Where’s Dean today Sammy?”  He heard Jo asking a tall man that had just entered, swatting at his arm in an affectionate way when he leaned down to kiss her forehead as she led him to the bar.  Cas quickly slipped into his mind, pleased to find he was the target’s brother.  As Sam made small talk with Jo and a woman who appeared to be both the owner and Jo’s mother, Castiel dipped in and out of their minds to weave together a picture of Dean Winchester.

He would have been lying if he said he wasn’t surprised at what he found. 

From what he could gather, Dean Winchester was not the sort of man a servant of Heaven should be tracking down to terminate – if anything, he had all the marks of a Righteous Man.  A noted war veteran, he had joined the military right after high school and served two tours before coming home to look after Sam when their father died,  choosing instead to work at the local garage while Sam finished up law school.  A volunteer coach for the local baseball team and volunteer groundskeeper at the local church, the closest thing Dean had to sinful actions were his love of alcohol and slutty women – and usually together. 

Castiel pulled the money he’d willed into his pocket out, resting it beside his empty plate as he stood to leave.  Perturbed by what he’d learned, Castiel decided it was time to meet this Dean Winchester in person, to gauge for himself without the bias of personal companion’s memories to sway his opinion.  After all, Heaven had to have a reason for wanting him dead, even if he couldn’t see it just yet.  As a short, stout man walked by, nose deep in his paper, Cas dipped into his mind to find the layout of the town, sighing as he slid into another alley to jump locations to just outside the local church, looking out across the grass at the man putting his mower back into the shed at the edge of the property. 

He didn’t need to check to make sure this was Dean.  He just knew in the same way he did that even if he didn’t see the Father, he knew he was there.  Stepping lightly down the steps and across the grass he willed himself invisible as he had so many times before on these kinds of missions, gritting his teeth to get this over and done with.

And then Dean turned for Castiel to get a good look at him.

The angel stopped dead in his tracks, feeling but not comprehending why his throat felt like it was closing up.  He didn’t even need to breathe, and yet he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him as he watched the truly beautiful man before him, green eyes piercing into the angel’s as though he could see him standing there, knock kneed and flushed.  Dean licked his lips, Castiel’s own tongue mimicking the action as he watched the human wipe his forearm across his forehead with a huff before heading over to the side of the church to turn on the sprinklers.

Cas didn’t even care that he was getting soaked standing there as he watched Dean walk away and get into this car, roaring off down the road towards home. 

He had much bigger problems now than a damp trench coat. 


	2. No Place To Go

More than anything, Castiel wanted to go home.

He missed letting him wings be free and unsheathed, his pent up angelic essence shifting inside him making him feel nauseous.  It had been so long since he’d had to come to Earth, so long that his body had forgotten how to adapt to being wingless.  He missed flying, the feel of wind on his face and feathers.  More than that even though, he missed Gabriel and Anna.  They’d been his constant companions for longer than he could remember, and he could remember the dawn of time. 

But the thing he missed most was certainty.

Seeing his target had not put him at ease in the slightest.  As he walked through town, he dipped into the minds of the people he passed, his face going more and more white the more he saw.  Dean Winchester was loved by many, and admired by most.  Even the women he’d slept with and left in his younger years held little if no resentment, more than one of them holding onto half-realized hopes that he’d come back to them.  Castiel couldn’t understand why his Father would wish this man dead, the angel panicking as he felt his faith begin to waver.

He’d never once doubted an order before. 

“Watch out!”

Someone grabbed him around the waist jerking him back, a car rushing by laying heavily on the horn as he was dragged back onto the sidewalk.  He’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn’t even realized he’d walked into the street.  Castiel shook his head to try and clear it, clutching at the arms holding him in shock as he started to calm down. 

“Are you alright?”  Cas nodded, a little relieved when the arms around him loosened.  He wasn’t sure why, but there was something strange about the way they made him feel warm, protected.  Turning he swallowed, half convinced this had to be Gabriel playing a trick on him – there was no way his intended victim had just saved him from being hit by an SUV.  “You look a little pale.  Dude, you should sit down before you fall down.  Here, let me help you.”

“I can manage just fine on my own I think, but thank you.”  The angel said quickly, stepping away when Dean reached to take his arm. 

“At least let me help you to your car, you don’t look too stable right now.”  Dean said calmly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“I don’t have a car.  I… came in on a bus this morning from out of town.  Seriously, I’m fine.  I just need to rest a few minutes.”  Cas said evasively, looking away.  Dean didn’t say anything, raising an eyebrow as Castiel unsteadily dropped onto a bench a few steps away with a heavy sigh.  Closing his eyes Cas thought back to how simple missions used to be: you’d show up in full armor, wings shining in the sun, and everyone would simply accept it when he terminated someone, that it was God’s will and must not be questions.  In this age where faith was much more complicated, he didn’t dare risk pulling his blade where people might see.  “I just want to go home…”

“And where would that be?”  The angel started, turning in disbelief to look beside him at Dean leaning against the back of the bench, arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at him critically.  He’d expected him to leave when his help had been refused, but clearly he was wrong.  “If you want, I could take you.  My car’s parked about a block over, and it’s not like I’ve got anywhere else to be.”

“Thank you, but that would be rather impossible.”  Cas said, running a hand absently through his hair.  “I can’t go back until my work here is done, and its barely begun.”

“So you’re staying in town?”  Dean asked, raising an eyebrow when the angel nodded.  “Well, who are you staying with?  I know pretty much everyone; I could drop you off there so you don’t have to walk.” 

“I was planning on heading over to the inn or motel, once I figure out where it is.”  He said, eyebrows knitting together when Dean started to laugh.  “What’s so funny?”

“You really should have looked this place up on the internet before you trekked all the way out here.”  Dean said, smiling as he jumped over the bench and sat down beside Cas in one fluid motion.  The angel stiffened, unsure if moving away would be considered rude.  Dean, he decided, was highly irregular for a human.  While the angels in his garrison and others might have fawned over him and stared as he passed, it had been his experience on Earth that humans seemed to sense something in him that made them keep their distance.  He’d always thought it was their instincts latching onto the dangerous, faithful purpose imbedded in him.  But this one, Dean, didn’t seem to care to sit close to him, their knees practically touching as he turned to look at the angel again.  “The motel closed down about two months ago with a termite infestation and then never opened back up after plans to debug and renovate it fell through.”

Castiel didn’t speak, trying to stifle the conflicted feelings swimming within him.  He’d never had this much trouble on a mission before, especially not right from the get-go.  How could a Holy Mission be going so poorly?

“Look, I have a guest room.  I’m not really home that much anyways, so I’ll barely notice someone else is there anyways.  You can stay with me until you’re done with whatever it is you’ve come here to do.”  Dean said, rubbing at the back of his neck when the angel looked up at him in disbelief.  “Hey, I grew up on the road.  I know what it means to show up in a new town and not know what to do or where to go.  I’m just trying to be helpful.  Now, do you have a suitcase anywhere we should pick up, or what?”

“I didn’t bring anything with me, stop trying to get off topic.  You’d really invite me into your house, just like that?”  Cas asked, raising an eyebrow when the human nodded.  “You don’t know anything about me, I didn’t even tell you my name.”

“Well, it’s not like I have anything of value to steal, and no offense but I think I could take you in a fight if you tried anything.  Besides, you don’t look like the ax-murderer type.”  Dean smiled, standing up.  Castiel mimicked him, following him down the street towards his car, patting it lovingly before climbing in.  The angel stood on the sidewalk holding the passanger door open, still debating about whether or not to get in.  “Come on, it’s just a bed.  If it makes you feel better, you can pay rent on the room – just don’t expect me to clean up after you, I ain’t no maid.”

“Those terms are acceptable to me.”  Cas nodded, sliding into the car.  He had to admit, he was a little excited.  Not only was his mission starting to look up – getting Dean alone would make terminating him easier – but Castiel was excited about his first car ride.  Anna had always said they were terrifying yet amazing machines.  As the car shot forward though, his excitement quickly turned to dread – how could Anna possibly like anything so jerky after the smooth flight wings afforded them?

Dean didn’t question him on the ride home much to the angel’s surprise.  He dipped into the human’s mind cautiously, just to see what he might be thinking about, a little confused to find he couldn’t see anything but static.  Confused, the angel pulled out of his mind to brace himself before sliding back in, pressing insistently on his thoughts. 

There was nothing there but white noise.

“Welp, this is it.”  Dean said abruptly, the car pulling down the drive towards a far bigger house than the angel would have expected.  As Dean shut the garage door, Castiel stood awkwardly by, nervously tugging on the end of his tie. 

This was the part he hated most, the actual objective of the mission.  He could feel his wings ready to sprout just under his skin, his shoulder blades aching as he followed Dean up the steps and into his house.  Dean stopped suddenly, flicking on the hall light as he turned to look at him.

“What’s your name, anyways?”

“Jimmy Novak.”  The angel lied easily.  It was the name Gabriel had given him on a mission they’d once done together.  Being named after an angel, he’d explained, wasn’t as common anymore in the world.  Castiel had turned down dozens of names suggested to him by other angels before Gabriel had supplied him with the one he used now.  He couldn’t tell why, but Cas felt like it fit him. 

“Dean Winchester.”  He smiled, offering his hand to the angel.  Castiel shook it briefly, once again confused by the warm feeling that kept up his arm as Dean touched him.  He was relieved to pull away, turning his attention towards memorizing the floor plan of the house and the human led him through it pointing the different rooms out.  Finally he stopped outside of a closed door, hands in his pockets.  “This is my bedroom.  The guest room is at the end of the hall, and that door on the right is the bathroom on this floor.”

“Thank you for allowing me to stay with you.”  Cas said, smiling gently. 

“Hey, I was just trying to do what any decent person would have done.”  Dean shrugged.  “There’s a spare key under the doormat if you need to go out tomorrow while I’m gone.  I coach the baseball team so I’ll be out of here pretty early tomorrow, might not be back until the evening depending on what work there is waiting for me at the garage tomorrow.”

This, he knew, would be the perfect time to kill him.  He was in his home, clearly at ease even in the presence of a stranger.  If there was ever a time for Castiel to strike, it would be now. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.  Goodnight.”

As the angel shut the door behind him he listened to Dean shuffle into his room, shutting and bolting the door behind him.  Locking the door Castiel pulled off his coat and tie, sighing as his wings unfolded themselves from his back as he walked around the room taking in his surroundings.  As he crawled into the bed to rest, wings fluttering anxiously against his back, he refused to acknowledge the questions nagging at his brain.

What was it about Dean Winchester that made him question his orders for the first time in eons? 

Why hadn’t he killed him when he had the chance?


	3. All Bets Are Off

Before he knew it, Cas had been living with Dean for well over a month.

Looking at the Playboy Bunny calendar Dean kept in the kitchen on the wall near the coffee maker, Cas sighed into his mug looking at the date.  Sooner or later, he knew someone would come to Earth for a progress report on how his mission was progressing - and yet, the longer he stayed and got to know Dean, the less he wanted to complete his mission or even cared that he was at a standstill. 

“Hey Cas, want to ride with me to work?”  Dean asked around the doughnut clenched in his teeth as he shrugged his jacket on.  Somewhere along the line, Castiel had gotten tired of lying to Dean and told him his real name - he shrugged it off when Dean asked why he lied, telling him he’d gotten tired of people making cracks about him being named after the angel of Thursday.  “You never know, might see something worth writing about in your column.”

“Sure, I’d like that.  Let me grab my shoes.”  Cas grinned, hurrying out of the room.  After a few days, Dean finally asked him what sort of business he was doing in town since he’d yet to see him do much other than stay in his room or stare at him with an odd expression on his face.  Castiel, for lack of any better ideas, had lied and said he wrote a freelance column for a newspaper several states away about whatever he fancied writing about just as long as he met his deadlines.  Much to his relief, Dean had bought it, staying out of his way when he had the look on his face Dean had come to call his ‘pensive writer face’. 

“Sammy might be heading over to watch the game tonight.  Might bring Jess with him, if she’s not working late at the hospital.”  Dean said as they climbed into his car, Cas nodding along with his every word.  He’d met Sam a few times since, and found him pleasant enough.  It helped that he could tell the brothers really adored each other, something that endeared him to both of them while making him sad about the friends he’d left back in Heaven.  “Oh, there’s that look again.  Think of something to write about?”

“What?  Oh, no, just thinking about the people I left behind when I came here and how much I miss them.”  The angel said softly, sighing deeply as he looked at the scenery of the small town flashing by his window. 

“Anna and Gabriel again, right?”  Dean asked, smiling as if pleased with himself for remembering when Cas nodded.  “It must be hard being away from everyone you love for so long.”

“I’ve never really thought about it before.”  He said, mulling it over.  Dean’s eyes flicked from the road to the angel’s face a few times, his eyebrows still drawn together.  “It does… rather sting.  They’re the only friends I’ve really ever had before.” 

Dean didn’t say anything, his eyes flicking between the road and Cas’s face as he pulled into a parking space and turned off the car.  As the angel made to get out of the car Dean stopped him, grabbing his wrist.

“Hold on a second, I have something I wanted to ask you.”  Dean said, his voice unusually quiet.  They waited in silence, Cas watching the human in confusion as he turned pink and looked away.  Dean sighed, opening his door and sliding out.  As he turned back to the angel he cracked his knuckles, Cas raising an eyebrow at him.  “You know what… never mind, its not important.”

“Yes it is.  You only do that when you’re nervous, or when something serious is happening.”  The angel replied staying right where he was.  “What is it you wanted to ask me?”

“Its stupid.”  Dean said evasively, his face going redder when Cas didn’t budge.  “I was just wondering… are you seeing anyone?”

For a minute Castiel didn’t answer, looking at the human as if he’d never really seen him before.  Since he rarely went to Earth, the other angels had always tried to explain human attraction and love to him, but he’d never understood it. Angels rarely cared about each other passed seeing each other as allies - his relationship with Anna and Gabriel was pretty out of the ordinary as it was, and he knew he didn’t love either of them in the way humans loved one another.  And yet, suddenly, so many small things made sense to him: the way Dean’s jaw tightened when Cas stood a little too close, the reason he always felt so safe and warm whenever Dean slung an arm over his shoulders as they sat together on the couch watching the news or an action movie, the way he’d swore he saw jealousy flare up in his eyes whenever Jo flirted with him when they went to the Roadhouse, the reason Dean always looked so quietly pleased with himself when he came home and found Cas waiting for him.

At the back of his mind, his mission sat as a constant reminder of why this wouldn’t work - he’d been tasked to kill Dean, and the love he felt for him wasn’t a pardon for whatever he’d done to receive a kill order.

“I wouldn’t have asked, but… Jo asked me to.  She’s got a thing for you or something, I swear.”  Dean said quickly, Castiel looking away. He climbed out of the car, leaning on the frame to stay standing as his heart sank.  “Look, you don’t have to answer, I’ll tell Jo to butt out and leave you be.  Sorry to pry.”

So Dean didn’t love him after all.  Worse still, he was pretty sure he loved the human anyways.

He felt the prick of Dean’s eyes on the back of his neck and turned, trying to keep his face blank and emotionless as he walked around the car to follow him into the garage.  Dean didn’t say anything else but he couldn’t stop himself from watching the angel as they took their coats off and hung them up, Castiel being careful not to look over at him as he took a seat at one of the workbenches and picked up the notebook he kept there to ‘write notes for his articles’.  By the time lunch rolled around, Dean had finally calmed down, Cas returning to his usual self.

“Lunch break.”  Dean whistled as the bell went off, setting down his tools to wipe the motor oil off his hands.  Looking over at where Cas sat huddled in his chair scrunched over his notebook the human whistled again, smiling when his friend looked up at once.  “Wanna head out for lunch today?”

“Sure,” shutting his notebook Castiel stood up and went to get their coats, a little unsure if being trapped in a booth with Dean was really what he wanted right now. When he returned he pretended not to care about the sizzle of electricity that shot up his hand when Dean touched his fingers taking his jacket from his hand.  As they made their way out to the car, Cas cleared his throat, stopping by his door but not getting in.  “I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“I’m not seeing anyone.”  Cas replied, slipping into the car before Dean could reply.  He took a deep breath, the picture of calmness as Dean got into the car beside him.  When Dean didn’t start the car, he looked up, a little confused to see Dean smiling so widely.  “If you’re grinning like that because you’re thinking of setting me up with Jo you can forget it.  I don’t like her, not like that.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you look at anyone while you’ve been here, not like that.”  Dean asked as he started the car, Cas looking away out the window - it was easier than looking at him in that moment.  “Is there just nothing here to interest you, or are you just afraid to get involved since you won’t be staying forever?”

“There’s definitely interest.”  Castiel said, regretting his words as soon as he said them.  He didn’t have to look over to know Dean was grinning like an idiot, waiting for him to say more.  If only he knew… “But it would never work, so there’s no point pursuing it.”

“I didn’t know you were a coward Cas.”  As they pulled into a parking space at Dean’s favorite pizza joint Castiel watched him in shock, unsure how to respond as the human turned to look at him smuggly.  “Love is always a good thing, I don’t care what you say.  When you think it’s within your grasp, you have to reach out and try to take it, not back off.  What if this person feels the same, but is scared to say anything just like you are?  You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“But eventually I’ll leave here.  I don’t want to leave a broken heart behind when I go.”  Cas said though he knew that would never happen - when he left, it would be a stopped heart left behind, not a beating broken one.  He jumped in surprise when he left Dean slide closer to him, leaning over the gear shift to take his face between his hands, Cas quickly looking down as he felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes.

“Stop pretending you don’t care about me and look into my eyes.”  Dean snapped, Castiel looking up obediently.  Dean was so close to him now he could have counted the freckles dotted lightly over his nose and cheeks, his eyes fierce as they stared down into his.  “I don’t care if you think it won’t work.  I waited this long for you - if it means I have to wait for you to leave me and come back again when you can, I’ll wait.  I’ll always wait for you.”

When Anna had tried to explain kissing to him, he’d never seen what was so important or romantic about the action of lips crashing together and moving wet and hot against each other.  He’d watched Anna and Gabriel kiss a few times when they tried to explain why humans liked it so much, why it was so profound to them, but he’d never understood until now.  White hot passion crept through his veins as he threaded his fingers in Dean’s hair, pulling him closer as he stifled the angel’s low moan with his lips.  It didn’t seem to matter that he didn’t know what he was doing, his mouth chasing after Dean’s insistently as though he’d done this a million times before. 

As they pulled apart, Castiel looked dazed.  Dean stroked his cheek affectionately as he leaned his forehead down against the angel’s, a single tear sliding down his face as he kissed the tip of Cas’s nose.

“I take it you’ll try to reconsider saying we can’t be together?”  Dean asked softly, the edge of a laugh lingering in his voice as the angel ran his fingers through the human’s hair.

“I love you Dean, I have from the minute I first saw you.”  Dean pulled back, startled by the mournful note in the angel’s voice as he spoke.  Castile bit back tears, closing his eyes to brace himself.  “I’m so sorry…”

“What did I do wrong?  Wait… Cas, don’t!”

Castiel didn’t listen, flinging himself out of the car before Dean could stop him.  He took of running, trying to ignore the hot press of tears behind his eyes as he ran, darting between the people crowding the sidewalks as he looked desperately around for a place to hide.  He knew Dean would follow him once the shock wore off, that he wouldn’t stop looking until he found him.  Darting sideways into an alley Castiel leaned back against the wall and willed himself invisible, looking up towards the Heavens in confusion and pain. 

“I can’t do this.”  Castiel whispered desperately, sure that his words would be heard.  “Why would you ask this of me?  Surely you knew this would happen, you know everything!  How could you send me here to kill him when you knew I’d love him?  I can’t do this!  I won’t kill him…”

“Then we’ll just have to kill you instead.”  

Castiel jumped, turning to see Uriel leaning against the wall beside him looking smug.  “What did you say?”

“Those are my orders - if you refuse to kill Dean Winchester, then I’m to kill you instead.”  Uriel said in a bored voice, picking at a spot on one of his fingernails as Castiel went pale beside him.  “It’s your choice Castiel.  Either you fulfill your orders, or you’re to be considered Fallen.  You fall, and your life is forfeit.” 


	4. Mission's End

He could tell by the look on Dean’s face he hadn’t expected him to come back.

As Castiel sat down beside him on the couch, the angel could tell he wasn’t sure whether to hug him for coming back or punch him in the nose for walking out like that.  Castile braced himself for either action, a little surprised when the usually quick to act Winchester just sat there staring at him.  Sighing he reached up to loosen his tie, unsure where to start.

“I figured I’d better… explain myself.”  Cas started lamely, looking down when Dean snorted derisively.

“Yeah, you could say that.”  Dean said bitterly.  The angel could smell whiskey on his breath but said nothing about it, keeping his distance from the hunter.  “You know what I don’t understand most?  How you could sit there and tell me you loved me and then walk out.”

“I do love you…” He said softly, looking up at Dean with tears in his eyes.  Reaching up he pulled Dean into his embrace, kissing him before he could protest.  As they pulled back, the angel watched Dean run a hand through his hair looking conflicted.

“Are you… are you going to stay then?”  Dean asked, his voice hopeful.  As much as he hated to break that confidence, he knew he had to if he was going to keep Dean safe.

“I wish I could, I’d give anything to stay, but I can’t.”  Castiel said desperately.  He grabbed for Dean’s hand, not the least bit surprised when the human pulled it away looking disgusted.

“So is the problem that I’m a guy, or is it just that I’m me?”  He snapped, his jaw set angrily as he watched Cas sputter beside him.

“Its not that… I just… I wish I could explain.”  Cas said brokenly, choking back a sob.  For a moment he thought Dean might take pity on him, might even pull him into his arms and comfort him, but then the hardness crept back into his eyes as he looked away.  “I… came to say goodbye.  I’m leaving town.”

“It’d have been better if you never came back if all you were going to do was offer me no explanations and then just leave again.”  Dean muttered, standing up.  This time Cas didn’t reach for him, watching sadly as Dean walked away.  As he reached the hall he turned, his face showing no trace of fondness or gentleness now.  “Leave your key on the table and then get the hell out.”

As he turned away, Castiel pulled the key from his pocket.  He set it down on the table with a shaking hand.  Just as he was about to leave he saw Dean’s jacket out of the corner of his eye, slung over the back of the couch.  Unable to stop himself he picked it up and gripped it to his chest, breathing in the smell of old leather and Dean, not caring about the tears falling onto it as he finally stood up. 

He set the jacket back down and released his wings, bracing himself for the flight back to Heaven.  If he was going to die, he might as well be comfortable when he did it.

He was almost through the cloud cover heading towards his office when someone streaked across the sky, knocking him backwards. 

“What do you think you’re doing?!  If you go up there, you’ll die!”  Anna hissed, shaking him slightly as they hovered in midair.  Unable to help himself he pulled her into a hug, pleased beyond belief.  So concerned with making sure Dean was safe, Castiel had been prepared to die, his final wish being that he could see Anna and Gabriel before he was executed.  “Cas, please, we don’t have time for this.”

“I’m just so happy to see you!”  He grinned, kissing her cheek as he pulled back.  She looked older somehow, troubled.  “I never thought I’d see you again.”

“Uriel’s already looking for you.”  She said softly, Castiel looking away from her.  He knew it would happen, that as soon as he made up his mind Uriel would know.  Angelic communications were faster than the speed of light, one thought communicated to the other angels in mere seconds after it was brought into the collective consciousness.  “He said you’d made up your mind to let Dean live, to defy orders to keep him safe.  Is that true?”

“Yes, I did.”  He said, looking back at her suddenly.  “I love him Anna, I can’t be the one to kill him.  I can’t watch him die and know I could have saved him.”

“Gabriel and I were so worried while we watched you… he saw it first, but after he kissed you, I couldn’t deny it anymore.  Oh Castiel…”  She wrapped him in her arms, her face pressed into his shoulder as she squeezed him close.  “I can’t believe Father would ever give you such a mission.  Something’s going on here, something’s not right!”

“But what can I do if Uriel’s already on the lookout for me?  After me, he’s the highest ranked assassin in the garrison.”  He said sadly, throat clenching as he saw the tears in Anna’s eyes as she pulled back. “I… I know it’s hard for you, but I chose this road the minute I told Dean I had to leave.  It’s the only way to keep him safe.  If I leave, he’ll be protected.”

“How?  Don’t you think some other angel will get your mission and go after him once you’re gone?  Is it really better if he dies under someone else’s blade, like Uriel’s?”  She asked, watching the way Castiel’s face stayed calm.  A nagging worry started to grow in the pit of her stomach, her voice frantic when she next spoke.  “You blessed somehow him didn’t you?  You found a way around your orders.”

“Before I left him, I cooked up a little something to protect him.  That last kiss sealed it in place.”  He said, smiling a little as he spoke.  Anna swallowed, biting her lip as he started to explain, tears clinging to her eyelashes.  “If I die, if I sacrifice myself, no angel will ever be able to hurt him.  He’ll be immune to our weapons, unable to be struck down by angelic powers and unable to be tracked.”

Before Anna could respond, a cry rang out through the clouds.  Turning, they watched as two or three lower ranked angels flew towards them, pointing at Castiel.  Grabbing his arm Anna tried to pull him away, Castiel’s more powerful wings it impossible for her to drag him as they came closer.  Kissing her cheek one last time Cas grabbed Anna by the wings, whispering a spell that temporarily bound them together.  As she plummeted she screamed his name, Uriel’s personal guard catching hold of Castiel and clapping him in shackles that restricted his power. 

His last glimpse of Anna was her regaining control of her wings and speeding towards him just before he was ripped from one place and into another.

“Well look what we have here.”  Uriel grinned as his men forced Castiel to his knees holding his arms behind his back, four angels rushing forward to secure his wings.  “None of this would be happening if you’d just followed orders.  Instead, you let your faith be shaken by that human.”

“My faith wasn’t shaken.  It’s stronger than ever because of Dean.”  Castiel smiled, Uriel’s eyebrows knitting together in confusion.  “I don’t know what Dean did to incur the wrath of the Father, but it brought me to him, and I’ll never regret that.”

“Look at this gentleman, our little rebel fancies he’s in love with the human!”  Uriel grinned gleefully, a few of his cronies snickering.  Castiel felt hands tighten over his wings, wincing at the discomfort as Uriel stepped towards him, sword in hand.  “How does it feel to be a martyr for love, Castiel?”

“Better than any grace I’ve ever had, actually, thanks for asking.”  Cas spat back, his grin slipping a fraction of an inch as Uriel raised the sword above his head. 

There was a blur of red, Castiel looking up in shock at Anna’s back as she got between him and his executioner.  Around him, the other angels fidgeted nervously - Anna was well loved within their garrison, friendly with everyone and always there to help no matter what someone needed from her.  Uriel laughed, but lowered his sword all the same.

“Get out of the way girl, you can’t stop me.  I’ve been handed orders to kill the traitor.”  He said, his frown deepening when Anna stood her ground.  Castiel opened his mouth to tell her to leave, but she snapped her fingers at him impatiently, shooting him a scathing look over her shoulder before turning back to Uriel.  “If you don’t move out of my way, I’ll cut you down as well.”

“Fine, if that’s how you want to play.”  Anna said, her voice harsher now than Cas had ever heard it before.  A few of the others gasped as he wings unfurled completely shielding Castiel from view, Uriel’s eyes narrowing as she braced herself.  “Go ahead.  I’m not letting you hurt him when he’s done nothing wrong!”

“He defied orders, Anna.  It’s unforgivable to go against our Father’s wishes, you know that!”  Uriel shouted, his own great deep wings spreading out behind him.  Anna’s wings trembled slightly, but stayed rigid, feathers splayed defensively.  The flaming sword was raised into the air, Anna’s breath quickening as it sizzled through the air.

“Both of you, stand down this instant!”

Anna and Castiel barely suppressed their grins as Gabriel strode into the room, staring down at Uriel as if he was barely stopping himself from turning him into a snail to step on.  Uriel bowed to him as was customary when faced with archangels, but his hand stayed tight on his weapon nonetheless.

“It seems there’s been a misunderstanding.  Both of your orders are to be considered null and void as of this moment.”  He grinned, snapping his fingers so that Uriel’s weapon and lackeys disappeared.  Anna helped Castiel to his feet, not caring that Uriel was watching as she wrapper her arms tight around his neck and started to cry happy tears into the collar of his coat.  “It seems that the mission Castiel was given was meant to test his faith, not to actually kill Dean Winchester.  By all accounts, he’s a Righteous Man, not someone to be hunted.”

“Then how do you explain his order to have me killed?”  Cas asked, looking between the two in confusion. 

“Further testing.  Father wanted to see if you would stick to your resolution to protect the one you loved even if it meant dying, and you did.”  Gabriel grinned, pulling a folder out from behind his back.  He took it without question and opened it as Uriel took the folder Gabriel offered him in return and stormed out of the room.

“I don’t understand… is this really an order?”  Cas asked looking up in shock.  Anna craned her neck to see what it said, Castiel letting out a broken sob when Gabriel nodded. 

“Your faith is being rewarded after all these years.  Don’t question something good being offered to you Castiel, you deserve this happiness.”  Gabriel grinned, moving to the side so he could see the person standing in the doorway.

“Dean.”

“Hey Cas.”  He grinned, shooting a quick look at Gabriel before striding purposefully across the room to pull Castiel into a kiss that left Anna giggling and clapping beside them with glee.  “Did you miss me?”

“More than you could ever know.”  He said through tears, burying his face in the crook of Dean’s neck.  “How did you get here though?  And why aren’t you freaking out that you fell in love with someone who turned out to be an angel of the Lord?”

“I sort of stopped time and explained things to him when I went to pick him up, no need to thank me.”  Gabriel grinned, winking as he laced his arm with Anna’s.  “Well, I’m sure you two have a lot to talk about.  We’ll just be going.”

“So what’s that?”  Dean grinned, nodding his head towards the file Cas had let slip through his fingers and onto the floor as soon as he’d seen Dean. 

“New orders straight for the top.”  Castiel grinned, kissing Dean on the tip of his nose.  “I’m to go back to Earth with you and spend the rest of my life with you.  If you’ll have me, that is.”

“Well, let’s see…”  Dean grinned,twirling the end of Cas’s tie in his hand.  “Do you promise not to leave this time?”

“I’ll never leave again, I promise.”

“Then sure, why not?  I got used to having you around and its lonely without you.”  Dean winked, grinning as Castiel took his hand and started walking him towards the door.  “I love you, by the way, even if you are the Angel of Thursday and not a newspaper columnist.”

“I love you too Dean Winchester.”


End file.
